breastfeeding

i missed d breast engorgement moment.. huhu.. sadly 2 say, now arissa drinks more of formula milk than my milk :((.. my breast didn't giv her much milk nowadays.. as i think my body 'shrink' ( back 2 petite or simply thinner n lighter than my 36kg average weight )..

nadira had her exclusive bf period b4 i started back 2 work n she had bf until 11 months. while arissa, not even a month she already had less bf.. i was really sad, but d good news is she's getting bigger n heavier in a short of time.. mayb 4 d fat from d anmum step 1 formula milk..

can feel my body had been so tired n i need 2 b freshen up.. o ya, i dun hav pain @ my waist anymore, but turns out my feet, ankles n knees n also my neck n shoulders hav lots of pain nowadays.. mayb from my sitting activity.. yup, lots of sitting.. n mayb dis is d 1 reason 4 less producing milk.. tiredness :((

no more pumping session.. huwargh.. n lots of money spent on d formula milk. 2 boxes of 650g anmum 4 2 wks.. huhu.. almost rm50 per box, so can b a total of rm200 in a month.. dat's 4 arissa's 1st month. n other coming months? huhu.. not mentioning her diapers. i got her mamypoko diapers, only dis brand get my trust nowadays. juz 4 feb-march-now she almost wears 10packs of 52-pcs newborn size diapers. n spent almost rm400 4 all dis.. huhu.. she can wear nadira's cloth diapers, but there's only 6 sets of inserts. need 2 buy more inserts n cd 2 sav a lot from using d diapers. hmm..

alhamdulillah we dun hav serious money problem now, but worried in d future. lots of money had been spent 4 completing our home. n next, nursery 4 arissa n nadira.. huhu.. i wish i can bf arissa more.. juz thinking of d coming work load n d hot labuan makes me more worrying.. how can i successfully bf her later in labuan.. :'((

suppose 2 b motivating n talking about bf 2 arissa when she was still in my belly:(( as 4 nadira, she was easy 4 her bf, but her body didn't grow well. taller but thin. n not 4getting easily get sick n her bronchulitis.. but she had pretty n white teeth, also strong bones.. 4 arissa, hardly sucking d breast ( mostly juz suck d nipples ). n can't hardly wait 4 small amount of milk from d bf. huhu.. hopefully she'll grow healthy either bf or less.

nexwik will b leaving kk 4 lbuan. hav 2 prepare d home n our family 4 my soon-back-2-work in may.. praying d best 4 my 'lil family.. amin;))





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24 hrs

funny.. he said why he should see us 4 24 hrs.. he got work to do, yes dat's 12 hrs already. so d nex 12 1? meaning.. he 1 2 do his hobby in d other 12 hrs.. haha.. dat's rite.. so dis making me so stress.. 1st d other problem, now dis problem.. so conclusion.. u didn't hav 2 c us 4 nex yr.. dat'll b a good conclusion.. no 'us' anymore.. juz u.. pls la.. u rather spend time wit ppl u barely know, in online.. than ur family..

hobby u shud do when u'r free.. not everyday, everytime, most of d time.. i'm not understanding? juz let me go, then u'll get full time with ur hobby.

i'm really sad.. my sleeps is hardly with him, either he's working or he's with his hobby.. as i said b4, near but actually far..

is bad talking 'bout ur marriage prob.. but i juz can't take it anymore..

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emotional break down

something happened dis week, something dat affect my marriage. still thanked to Allah 4 testing me. however, i was always sad tru' dis week. i can forgive but it's hard 2 forget..

mayb both of us doing mistake, n dat's y it happened.. n my pregnancy making me super sensitive.. thinking i can't b a good wife, a good mama..

nadira's also not being good dis month. she didn't like d new nanny, but dat's d only choice i had now. n she's having bad cough tru' week..

i really need a great support now.. sometimes hubby's there n sometimes not.. mayb he cared, but no action taken. dat makes me sad. mayb he taught i'm able 2 face it alone..

also getting emotionally weaker day by day.. try to stand but keep on thinking negatively 4 what will happen in d future.. as i'm 5 months pregnant now.. afraid dat d baby will makes things harder. harder 4 me 2 b a good mom n wife. some ppl easily done it, but 4 me it's getting stressful sometimes.

no news 'bout d new home.. as i'm excited 2 start d furniture hunting.. really wish we can move by dis yr.. d hse we'r staying now is really uncomfortable.. hardly 2 get d fresh air, hardly drying d laundry, dust keep on entering d hse, d bad air-cond.. i'm not fussy, but i really dun like d environment..

n getting headache when thinking 4 d nanny next yr as i'm having 2 children dat time. surely d cleaning, d parenting r getting harder. financial? hopefully ok since d government is raising their servant salary..alhamdulillah, at lis 1 problem solve..

hopefully my next entry will b a happy 1.. i really miz'd being d old me.. not stressful as now..

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october rain..

it's been almost my 21st wks 4 my 2nd pregnancy;).. went to d clinic last friday, but d doc said still can't c his gender..

nothing much happen in my life.. still felt tired day by day..

got d chance going 2 d beach last week ( after 'merajuk' with hubby since we've been staying @ home during d weekend ). it was nadira's 2nd time n now she was afraid 2 d water.. huhu.. last time, she was d 1 who's eager n excited playing with d water..



then hubby bought durian 4 me on our way back home. @ 1st he thought 1 durian is 4 rm30 ( it wrote 30 @ d label - which actually 3.0 meaning for its 3.0kg weight ).. he bought 2 durian n had 2 pay rm140 4 them.. huhu..



really satiesfied with d thick n sweet durian;))

n juz dis friday, my school had organized a premier camp 4 uniform unit.. 100 pupils involved which i was assigned 2 b 1 of d facilitator. i got d chance 2 try out d paintball, n it was my 1st;p















i'd miz'd all d target.. haha..

n 2day started 2 feel it again.. stress.. after being so tired 4 d camp, which end dis afternoon, d pressure came again.. wit nadira's attitude, hubby's.. really made my day.. money wasn't d problem now, but he's attitude making me stressful. he keeps blaming me if i get angry wit nadira. coz sometimes i shout n hit her a bit.. whenever i try 2 slow talk saying 'no' to her, most of d time she'll get 'merajuk ', started 2 throw things, kicking, hitting anything in her way.. hmm.. sometimes i dunno what i'd 2 do.. i really need a good supporter.. or shud i call a soulmate.. living near, but my heart wasn't near, it has been far away, as dis is d 2nd time i'm thinking 2 call it off.. but i guess need 2 wait 4 d 2nd baby 1st..

seriously i've keeping all dis long since me n nadira came 2 lbuan.. living here really makes me stress.. there's no prob @ work.. but my social life bcame worse, i'd prefer 2 b a quiet person.. but home sucks.. really uncomfortable ( 'rumah bujang' n only basic things in here ). n him.. still with his own life, his 'online game'.

really hope things will b better after we move into our new home.. i really miz'd d 'happy' me..

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Location:labuan f.t.

i hate dis feeling.. stress..

it's almost 3 months @ labuan. n my life getting stressful n miserable each day..

i'm getting weaker.. stressful.. really hate dis feeling.. my preggy life seems like a burden to me.. i knew it's wrong to feel dat way, but i'm getting weaker, tired n stress when thinking 2 hav 2 children.. even 1 was already tiring 4 me..

i did all house chores, juz only sometime hubby giving his help.. dunno y, thinking i can't never b a good wife n mom.. ;'(( with all d problems (yup, kind of money n marriage problems @ d moment).. sick n tired 4 all dis.. i missed my happy life.. now seems like everything is tiring 4 me..

a wife should hav a helping concern hubby, but not 4 me.. a wife should hav a leader hubby but not 4 me.. a wife should hav a financial supporter from hubby, but not 4 me.. a wife should hav a really loving hubby, but not 4 me..

how can i b a good wife n a good mom, when i dun hav d energy to take care of myself? i'm not blamming any1, but only i was d 1 trying hard n i'm d 1 who getting worse.. a marriage shud hav romantic, adventures sharing life.. but now only adventure dealing with work, house chores n parenting nadira..

i'm not asking a perfect life.. but i'm so tired of my life right now.. no friend to talk with, even nothing encourage me right now.. mayb juz active-cutie nadira;)

to all single ladies out there, get ready to get married n hav children.. it can b great n also stressful.. so b well prepared..

dunno when my life will b cheerful again..


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