time off on friday

being so stress lately.. so decided to leave all d things behind n bring nadira 2 manikar beach resort while hubby's @ kk..



nadira was totally excited as dis is her 1st vacation (mini vacation i guess - 2 days 1 nite)

we arrived @ d resort @ 2.40pm while hubb's flight from kk arrived @ 3.10pm. @ 1st he was so angry wit me, but dis what is what i shud hav after a long stressfull months..



d beach n pool view from our room;))

n about 3.30pm hubby arrived n started 2 'pujuk' me back.. haha..
then after resting in d room, we had our late lunch @ d restaurant..



nadira's playing @ d playground while waiting 4 d food 2 b served..



after lunch, happy;))

after dat we went 2 d pool.. it was nadira's 1st.. she was so scared @ 1st. but then excitedly playing wit d water;))






then, we stayed @ d room resting all nite long..

d nex morning, woke up early as usual then getting ready 4 d complimentary bfast..



hubby n nadira still @ bed while i'm getting ready..



our bfast..



then, i went to d spa 4 facial.. d service was average but d price quite expensive than normal, i guess since it was located @ a resort.. service 3-star n d spa is 2-star..



me after d facial n massage(just d face, hands n shoulder).. a little fresh.. d beautician said my skin was having no problem but only few whiteheads.. she said as clean as baby skin.. haha.. thank God i was pregnant, if not.. my face will b fulled of whiteheads ;p






later, made a walk @ d pool side n beach.. then packed our stuff b4 going home.. ;))

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us..

again.. stress came into my life.. hubby left us @ lbuan 4 1 nite juz to attend his fren's wedding @ kk. he asked me last nite, n i was.. speechless.. actually what is in his mind? i barely knew him now.. i keep on telling myself thing's getting harder.. 4 me n nadira, n d worst me.. leaving us juz 2 meet his friend. i dun felt he's makes us his priority now, n since d 'matter' happened..

i'd hardly taking care of myself now.. n yesterday @ school i was hardly breathed.. d doc said my tummy need 2 relax esp after eating. juz dunno what will happen 2 d little 1.. still worried 4 nadira 4 her bronchiolitis n her hateness 4 going @ d nanny's hse..

hardly 2 pay attention rite now.. lots of work need 2 b done @ school.. but seems my thoughts r not into it.. worried what will happen 2 me n nadira in d future:(

what actually a man 1 in his life? mayb we'r juz dun meant 2 b any longer.. juz pray 4 d best..

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24 hrs

funny.. he said why he should see us 4 24 hrs.. he got work to do, yes dat's 12 hrs already. so d nex 12 1? meaning.. he 1 2 do his hobby in d other 12 hrs.. haha.. dat's rite.. so dis making me so stress.. 1st d other problem, now dis problem.. so conclusion.. u didn't hav 2 c us 4 nex yr.. dat'll b a good conclusion.. no 'us' anymore.. juz u.. pls la.. u rather spend time wit ppl u barely know, in online.. than ur family..

hobby u shud do when u'r free.. not everyday, everytime, most of d time.. i'm not understanding? juz let me go, then u'll get full time with ur hobby.

i'm really sad.. my sleeps is hardly with him, either he's working or he's with his hobby.. as i said b4, near but actually far..

is bad talking 'bout ur marriage prob.. but i juz can't take it anymore..

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emotional break down

something happened dis week, something dat affect my marriage. still thanked to Allah 4 testing me. however, i was always sad tru' dis week. i can forgive but it's hard 2 forget..

mayb both of us doing mistake, n dat's y it happened.. n my pregnancy making me super sensitive.. thinking i can't b a good wife, a good mama..

nadira's also not being good dis month. she didn't like d new nanny, but dat's d only choice i had now. n she's having bad cough tru' week..

i really need a great support now.. sometimes hubby's there n sometimes not.. mayb he cared, but no action taken. dat makes me sad. mayb he taught i'm able 2 face it alone..

also getting emotionally weaker day by day.. try to stand but keep on thinking negatively 4 what will happen in d future.. as i'm 5 months pregnant now.. afraid dat d baby will makes things harder. harder 4 me 2 b a good mom n wife. some ppl easily done it, but 4 me it's getting stressful sometimes.

no news 'bout d new home.. as i'm excited 2 start d furniture hunting.. really wish we can move by dis yr.. d hse we'r staying now is really uncomfortable.. hardly 2 get d fresh air, hardly drying d laundry, dust keep on entering d hse, d bad air-cond.. i'm not fussy, but i really dun like d environment..

n getting headache when thinking 4 d nanny next yr as i'm having 2 children dat time. surely d cleaning, d parenting r getting harder. financial? hopefully ok since d government is raising their servant salary..alhamdulillah, at lis 1 problem solve..

hopefully my next entry will b a happy 1.. i really miz'd being d old me.. not stressful as now..

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october rain..

it's been almost my 21st wks 4 my 2nd pregnancy;).. went to d clinic last friday, but d doc said still can't c his gender..

nothing much happen in my life.. still felt tired day by day..

got d chance going 2 d beach last week ( after 'merajuk' with hubby since we've been staying @ home during d weekend ). it was nadira's 2nd time n now she was afraid 2 d water.. huhu.. last time, she was d 1 who's eager n excited playing with d water..



then hubby bought durian 4 me on our way back home. @ 1st he thought 1 durian is 4 rm30 ( it wrote 30 @ d label - which actually 3.0 meaning for its 3.0kg weight ).. he bought 2 durian n had 2 pay rm140 4 them.. huhu..



really satiesfied with d thick n sweet durian;))

n juz dis friday, my school had organized a premier camp 4 uniform unit.. 100 pupils involved which i was assigned 2 b 1 of d facilitator. i got d chance 2 try out d paintball, n it was my 1st;p















i'd miz'd all d target.. haha..

n 2day started 2 feel it again.. stress.. after being so tired 4 d camp, which end dis afternoon, d pressure came again.. wit nadira's attitude, hubby's.. really made my day.. money wasn't d problem now, but he's attitude making me stressful. he keeps blaming me if i get angry wit nadira. coz sometimes i shout n hit her a bit.. whenever i try 2 slow talk saying 'no' to her, most of d time she'll get 'merajuk ', started 2 throw things, kicking, hitting anything in her way.. hmm.. sometimes i dunno what i'd 2 do.. i really need a good supporter.. or shud i call a soulmate.. living near, but my heart wasn't near, it has been far away, as dis is d 2nd time i'm thinking 2 call it off.. but i guess need 2 wait 4 d 2nd baby 1st..

seriously i've keeping all dis long since me n nadira came 2 lbuan.. living here really makes me stress.. there's no prob @ work.. but my social life bcame worse, i'd prefer 2 b a quiet person.. but home sucks.. really uncomfortable ( 'rumah bujang' n only basic things in here ). n him.. still with his own life, his 'online game'.

really hope things will b better after we move into our new home.. i really miz'd d 'happy' me..

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Location:labuan f.t.

i hate dis feeling.. stress..

it's almost 3 months @ labuan. n my life getting stressful n miserable each day..

i'm getting weaker.. stressful.. really hate dis feeling.. my preggy life seems like a burden to me.. i knew it's wrong to feel dat way, but i'm getting weaker, tired n stress when thinking 2 hav 2 children.. even 1 was already tiring 4 me..

i did all house chores, juz only sometime hubby giving his help.. dunno y, thinking i can't never b a good wife n mom.. ;'(( with all d problems (yup, kind of money n marriage problems @ d moment).. sick n tired 4 all dis.. i missed my happy life.. now seems like everything is tiring 4 me..

a wife should hav a helping concern hubby, but not 4 me.. a wife should hav a leader hubby but not 4 me.. a wife should hav a financial supporter from hubby, but not 4 me.. a wife should hav a really loving hubby, but not 4 me..

how can i b a good wife n a good mom, when i dun hav d energy to take care of myself? i'm not blamming any1, but only i was d 1 trying hard n i'm d 1 who getting worse.. a marriage shud hav romantic, adventures sharing life.. but now only adventure dealing with work, house chores n parenting nadira..

i'm not asking a perfect life.. but i'm so tired of my life right now.. no friend to talk with, even nothing encourage me right now.. mayb juz active-cutie nadira;)

to all single ladies out there, get ready to get married n hav children.. it can b great n also stressful.. so b well prepared..

dunno when my life will b cheerful again..


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latest news

it's been a while since my last blogging.. still getting myself comfortable with d new environment.. though it's been almost a month..

nadira had her fever last thursday 'til dis morning.. really stressed-out caring 4 her, as i was alone.. dun know y feeling only me doing d parenting now (will share 'bout dis some other time). having nausea, dizzyness n not 4getting d morning sick made me d stress i've mentioned b4.. yes.. nadira's lil 'adik' is in d making.. haha.. i've been 3 wks pregnant now.. ;)) d doctor ask 2 do d scan only after 4-6wks of pregnancy, so will update 'bout it later..




nadira will b a big sister soon.. though she's a bit fussy n 'manja' now, but she's starting to luv having other toddler companion. as my sis-in-law n her family was around recently, nadira luv'd 2 play with her cousins 'kakak' nuril n baby ayip.

now, i really lost my appetite. hardly to swallow food esp rice.. juz eating lots of biscuits, fruits n drinking milo. will start 2 take d milk soon.

hopefully everything will b ok soon.. will b so much tougher 4 dis coming fasting month.. with preggie, nadira n my work as a teacher, mom n a wife.. hope i can stand all of dis, insyaAllah;))


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Location:tmn mutiara, ft labuan.

starting 2011..

yup.. i think nothing much change from last year.. guess what.. still keep on bz with school work.. still appointed 4 more than basic work task..

1) Living Skills' @ KH teacher
2) Mathematics' teacher ( dis 1 is my new task )
3) Pupils' Data System Coordinator
4) KWAPM ( Poor Pupils' Fund ) Coordinator
5) Year 5 Coordinator
6) Head of KH's committee
7) Secretary of Sivic committee
8) Technical Manager's Assistant of 2011's School Sports ( also newly appointed )

not forgetting special task :

1) PIBG @ parents & teacher association committee
2) Hockey Coach ( school level )

it's fine with me.. but why only hardworking ppl @ ppl with multi-task ability are appointed to do lots of work, while others @ lazy ppl, just doing nothing ( only teaching ).. huhu.. more load work but same salary n appreciation from d administrator.. yup d administrator juz said ' thank you to all teachers ' @ our last meeting last yr. so confused, what is actually a teacher's task in school?

lots of new task will b appointed since it's still in january n lots of other school's activities will b organized.. what was i'm really not satisfied for all dis? well, u can talk, but pls do ur work. not judging ppl's work but doing nothing.. yup.. dat also happened last yr.. a little happy also, as d school is having new Senior Assistant Registrar. as she's kind of multi-task n bold person. hopefully lazy ppl will b eyes-opened by her ;P

rights..

yup.. it's about rights.. starting with my salary which should have included d increment since feb-march. but guess wat? up til now, no signs of it. my frens @ other schools already rm100 added to their salary. it's from P1T1 to P1T4 (all kpli),but P1T6 (for engineering course) n P1T9 for(accounting course) .

d account clerk shud knew wat she need 2 do. but lots of mistakes done until few senior still haven't got their 3 yrs increment. 3 YRS!!! i shud b blow-off if treated like dat. i wonder how they can so patient. well d school head was so kind-hearted, so some ppl take advantage of dis. but still it's her responsible 2 do her work.

dat's about my salary thing.. about tuition.. i did for school under SBT, Skim Baucer Tuisyen for yr 6 student. it's another clerk managing dis. n it's after few cholics done d document settlement (n it's d clerk's job), it almost 2 weeks n nothing done for us 2 receive d payment. juz filling d cheque n ask d school head n his assistant to sign was a big deal 4 her.. damn! i'm so pissed! we shud get d payment last month. IF U DON'T 1 2 DO UR JOB, THERE'S A LOT OF PPL WILLING 2 DO URS..think!

stress? yes.. do shopping.. yippie;))

got problem with wifi @ home.. dunno why can't get connected when using mac os.. huhu..dun like using windows.. really missed blogging.. haha;P it was since thursday as i remembered..

really felt stressed out today. last friday i have to last minute took leave coz nadira's nannny have to go to her hometown @ papar as her grandmom was passed away in early morning d same day. i guess it was only for a day or two.. but it became more than a week.. i skipped d saturday 'pupils report card day', had another leave on monday. and guess wat.. juz another 1 day leave for dis year.. argh... went to school dis morning.. felt so irritated. some of d teacher talk @ my back.. as usual they juz jealous or felt unhappy if some1 didn't go to school.. hello.. i have to take care 4 my lil' baby.. as no 1 can take care of her @ d moment. luckily hubby's @ home since sunday. so dis morning n 2morow he'll taking care of nadira. but he's leaving on wednesday noon.. meaning on thusday, friday n saturday i need some1 to baby sit nadira.. huhu.. got few offer @ school, few teacher wanted to look after nadira when i'm in class. but nadira stranger anxiety was so high.. mm..

need to negotiate wit d boss tomorow.. dis thing really makes me stress.. can't rely on my family.. they're bz wit their own life. malas mo cerita sini.. nnti ada lg yg tersinggung..
so, juz ignore to get help from their side.. mm.. wat matter happens, must off from school dis 3 days.. nadira was so fussy, so i can't bring her to work.. surely she'll cry all-day @ work..

the end with d story.. now d better story.. shopping.. haha.. dis 3 days.. went shopping n dining during evening time.. went to suria, having early dinner meal @ kenny rogers yesterday n today went to 1-borneo, bought some make up item.. since hubby got body kit for his mpv, so i got myself face kit.. haha.. got MAC items such as prime liquid base, compact powder wit case, mascara, 2 eyeshadow, eyeliner, lip conditioner, cleansing oil.. shopping makes me happy.. cheer up a little for today;))

hopefully dis week will end quite good.. can't stand d pressure from talk-back environment. really can't understand them.. why do taking care own child @ home was such a big thing.. this is emergency matter. n i have rights when things happen dis way.. now i really understand why it's hard for being a teacher, seems like ur life is for others, not for u or ur family..